Beat Burnout with Dolce far Niente
In one of my favorite books Eat, Pray, Love , written by Elizabeth Gilbert, there is a scene that takes place with her friend, Luca Spaghetti. In the movie this exchange takes place in a barber shop. Luca Spaghetti explains what he believes the problem is with Americans, “You feel guilty because you are American, you don’t know how to enjoy yourself…” You can watch the full clip here. He goes on to explain that American’s do not know, “dolce far niente.” This, when translated according to the movie means, the sweetness of doing nothing.
I cannot help but feel like this cheeky moment highlights a real and true problem that we’ve swept under the carpet for way too long. The journey of recovering from my own burnout gave me an experience that I found many resonating with.
I often times found that my clients were struggling with their own burnout. The more I dove into this with my clients the more I began to realize that burnout was affecting many more people than I had realized.
“I feel so burned out.” “I never have any time.” “I don’t remember what it feels like to relax.” Have you said these to yourself? I know I have.
The complete truth is that “dolce far niente” was a foreign concept to me when I was struggling with burnout. It was a foreign concept to those who looked at the lifestyle I had post burnout and wondered how I had made such a transformation. They really could not wrap their heads around this, and that resonated with me.
Did we forget, or were we never taught?
When considering it all, and searching for the “how did I get here” answers, I wondered this very thing. Had I just forgotten the concept of dolce far niente, or had I never learned it to begin with?
I thought back to my Italian ancestors, those I had grown up watching. Had they lived this concept? I struggled to see a time that they had. I saw hard workers, inherently hard workers. I saw fierce love of family, and a deep responsibility to take care of one another.
I saw faith in God. I saw reverence and loyalty to our country, and a gratitude for their homeland. I did not see dolce far niente as a core principle. Maybe my ancestors had left it on Ellis Island along with the names that were too complicated for people to pronounce.
My evalutation landed me at the conclusion that I had not been taught this principle. Maybe life wasn’t as crazy back then. Maybe it wasn’t a principle that anyone felt compelled to discuss. Maybe their way of living the sweetness of doing nothing was in busy work, or cooking for the family, or enjoying an ice cream cone…or just in a completely different way than what I envisioned when I closed my eyes. Maybe they didn’t need giant chuncks of down time, or a complete disconnect.
Maybe they had grown up learning that taking a 5 minute break to feel the cool, crisp, fresh water flow gently down the back of their throats was a life’s pleasure to be savored. Maybe it was only here in this country that we shoved that water down without a thought while focusing on the next 30 things we needed to accomplish. Arriving at this conclusion helped me to see that regardless of whether I was taught or had forgotten, I needed to learn dolce far niente. It sounded like something deliciously wonderful that I was missing out on.
Experiencing dolce far niente
In an article written by Helen Russell entitled, “Dolce far niente: Learn the Italian art of doing nothing”, she delves into the history of the phrase as well as some steps we can take to achieve it. She quotes a man named Francesco DeCarlo, “There’s not so big a difference between working and not working for Italians and we don’t worry too much about the future-chissenefrega-we just enjoy the present.”
What a concept! To someone in burnout, and perhaps even those who aren’t, worrying about the future seems to be a driving factor in everyday life. Living for the present…what a concept!
For those wondering, chissenefrega means, “who cares.”
So let’s say you are in burnout, full-fledged, feel like you are drowning in your own life kind of burnout…Can you still experience dolce far niente? I say, you can at least start.
In the book The Atlas Of Happiness, Helen Russell lays out these tips to experience the coveted dolce far niente:
Take a day off, midweek, to do nothing. Don’t tell anyone, lest they fill up the hours with plans (or worse: chores), and enjoy some dolce far niente.
Back in your “normal” life? Instead of using your free moments to check your email or scrolling through Facebook to see what Sally from sales did on her vacations, try doing nothing.
I mean it; nothing. Log off in the evenings and on weekends.
Take a nap. When I go on vacation now, the thing I look forward to most is family naps. Really: bliss.
Still twitchy? Past midday and no serious health conditions to take into account? It’s bound to be cocktail hour somewhere. Why not have a drink? Or some pasta? Or both? Chissenefrega!
There you have it, directly from the witty Helen Russell!
For those of you in deep burnout, these things will likely make you antsy. You will struggle to sit still and likely have to force yourself to find enjoyment in the above simple steps. Growing out of something we do not like will be as uncomfortable as growing towards something we desire. Start uncomfortable. Start twitchy, and antsy and possibly even with tears of frustration…but start. Embrace dolce far niente and let me know how it goes!
