In a fantastic scene from the movie The Holiday, the esteemed Kate Winslet tearily states, “You’re supposed to be the leading lady of your own life…”

Clients who fight through burnout often express that they felt they “had” to do things or that they didn't have a choice. For some reason, they act like the “best friend” in their own life, just going along for the ride supporting everyone on their own ways and losing theirs in the process.

I totally get that. It's exactly how I operated for many years of my life. It's totally part of what led me into burnout.

Shifting the perspective to realize that you can actually step into the role of leading lady (or man) can be a highly empowering moment. We somehow think we need permission for this step, so here you go-

YOU HAVE BLANKET PERMISSION TO BE THE

LEADING LADY/MAN IN YOUR OWN LIFE.

Now, if you're prone to always thinking of yourself or living a bit too selfishly… then this advice is not for you. That’s a whole different blog post that you’d need to read to help you balance.

If, however, you tend to be a people pleaser and always concerned with those around you instead of taking a moment for yourself; If you don't have a self-care routine beyond your basic necessities; If you prioritize your busy schedule and don't know how to sit still; If you find that your physical health is taking a toll because you have no idea what self-care is; If you aren't getting enough sleep because your default setting is "busy"...do I need to go on?

If worrying or caring for yourself for even a few minutes makes you feel guilty…then this post is just for you.

I tend to be a giver. However, the downside of a servant's heart is not bothering to pay attention to myself long enough to care the way my body needs me to. I learned this the hard way during my burnout and recovery.

How do you find that beautiful, soulful balance that still allows you to serve those around you joyfully while still engaging in your own self-care practice? Here are a few tips to help you get started with a regular self-care routine.

Before you dive in, let me add this small disclaimer. If you are experiencing mental health issues or physical health issues, please check in with your health care provider. Many symptoms of stress and burnout can also appear is major health/mental health issues. Take these calls from your body seriously if you are experiencing any, and follow up with your primary.

EARLY MORNING MOMENTS

Years ago, I would wake up with my mind already racing on what I needed to do for the day. My work-to-do list would blend with the daily tasks I needed to accomplish for my family. Exhausted and running on empty was how I started my day. As you can imagine, this didn't set me up for a super strong rest of the day.

During my burnout recovery, I learned about the importance of rest. I learned that I needed to take better care of myself so that my family life and everything else in between wasn't one big ball of stress. Taking time each morning to ease into your day can be a real game changer.

You can try getting up just a little before everyone else and sitting with your favorite morning beverage outside to listen to the birds wake up.

Or perhaps, grab your Bible or favorite devotional and start your day giving thanks to God for the blessings in your life, like I do.

If you need help gaining that connection, you can grab a copy of my book, Rest & Renew, a 30 day Journey to Connect with God. Another one of my favorites is this podcast, Dwell on These Things, by John Stange.

Early morning moments can feel rough when you first start, especially if you are having difficulty sleeping like I was at one point. But, it was worth it as a strong first step. The extra quiet time every day made me feel tired at first, but within a few days, my body adjusted (and bonus, it made me want to go to sleep a little earlier, which was also a super healthy decision!), and this soon became one of my favorite self-care rituals. I could feel the benefits almost immediately. Quick wins when you are feeling unbalanced are really helpful!

Briefly, above, I gave a passing nod to sleep. Let's talk about that for a minute...while I'm not going to go into a bit thing about sleep here as it's deserving of its own power. Good sleep is a total game-changer. I struggled with sleep pretty much my entire life. I've only gotten a handle on it in the last few years. Truly, it's something I wish I would have grown up knowing how to do. If you are struggling with this- hit google and look up some easy ways to get started on that now. Small changes go a long way to up your sleep game.

TIME BLOCK SOME “ME” TIME

I love a good list. If you do, too, then blocking in some “me” time into your week is a completely doable thing! Carve it out, and highlight it in your favorite color. Go crazy and schedule that block a few times next week!

During that time, do something FOR YOU. I mean it- completely for yourself. No running errands. No tweaking kid things. Nothing work-related.

Go play.

Run your fingers through some moon sand. Draw a picture. Knit. Color. Stack some legos. Reclaim some mindless playtime to refresh yourself. 15-20 minutes a few times a week can do wonders for your emotional well-being. Or splurge and plan an adventure for yourself for a few hours.

Now is the time you can explore and try different things. If you've always wanted to paint- give it a go. I like to think of this as mental strength training. When you are operating from a hustle lifestyle, your brain can't turn off. It's functioning in its everyday life by overrunning and overworking itself.

What we know about productivity now is that to be more productive, we actually need to prioritize rest. We need to make sure we bring in creative energy to help sustain us, and we most certainly need to make sure we are not "living bigger than our to-do lists." (Thanks to author and productivity master Tonya Dalton for that quote. Check her out here.)

When you schedule time for yourself and use that time to play and explore, it can make a significant impact on your own well-being, on your energy levels, on your mental well-being, etc...

EMBRACE THE WORD, “NO.”

This is one I used to really struggle with, but have learned that, ultimately it makes me a better person when I set healthy boundaries.

As my awesome friend Monica used to say to me, “It doesn’t always have to be you!” She would say this as we sat at community meetings together. We would hear those words, “We need someone to…” and she would look at me and remind me that it didn’t always have to be me doing those things.

This helped me a lot. I can hear her voice in my head even now, reminding me often that it doesn’t always have to be me. I can still be involved. I can still help when it fits into our schedule. But it doesn’t always have to be me taking on extra responsibility. So sometimes, I let those things slide. I embrace, “no.”

This was actually a really intentional action that I took during my burnout recovery process, and it made a big impact. Sometimes one of the best self-care activities we can do for ourselves is to say no, and instead, use that time to for "me."

DOLCE FAR NIENTE

If you haven’t read my post about Dolce far Niente, I encourage you to pop over and have a look at it.

Dolce far niente means the sweetness of doing nothing. Italy is filled with people who have embraced this phrase and live it well. They understand what spending time with people really means, from what I can tell. They don't eat, they dine. They don't work all day, every moment of the day, but are incredibly hard workers who also truly value spending time with family members and friends.

They embrace just being in the moment. They don't feel guilt when sitting still. They know how to soak in the sounds around them. Doesn't that sound sort of magical? When was the last time you were able to do any of that without twitching?

There is power in doing nothing, healing power, connecting power, restorative power.

If you are in burnout, this may be hard for you. Reach out to me, and let’s chat more about some resources to help you learn to sit still just a little.

Otherwise, look for an opportunity to sit and embrace the sweetness of doing nothing. Dine with your family and friends. Chew your food 25 times just to see if you can... if you can't- work up to it. Sort of a silly thing, but it will help you slow down!

Listen to the sounds around you, and plug into them. Spend some time in nature watching birds. Play a board game, and laugh with no plans to race on to the next. Give it a try.

GATHER WITH LOVED ONES

Pull together some people you love to be with. The ones that you can laugh with, sit in silence with, go for a bike ride with.

Schedule some time together to connect. Don’t schedule a heavy-duty activity. You do not need to book a tour or jam-pack the time together with something to do. Keep it simple, keep it light. Don’t add to your responsibilities to make this happen, it’s supposed to be restorative. Repeat after me, leisure activities... How does that feel rolling off the tongue? Give it a try.

These are my five best ways to add more self-care into my days and weeks. The excitement of gathering with loved ones allows me to look forward to something fun. Running my fingers through moon sand is something I find super relaxing, and believe me, when I can head to the beach and touch the real thing- I take advantage of that!

I look for ways to get the family outside sitting on the patio, with the objective being just sitting together with one another in the moment.

These things are easy to incorporate into our lifestyle and leave me feeling ever so refreshed. I encourage you to try some or all of them.

In these small ways, you are empowered to be the leading lady/man in your own life. You allow yourself to fill up your cup. You allow these experiences to pour into you. You set boundaries by saying “no” to another action item and instead set intentional time aside for self-care.