How to Enjoy Guilt-Free Downtime

Guilt-free downtime…it’s a thing!

Did you know that there are people all over the world who can have guilt-free downtime? Seriously, it’s a thing. An actual thing that many people do on an everyday basis and it’s something I struggled with for a very long time. 

I'd love to list out the excuses so you can understand the level of busy I was at the time. You would nod along as I talk about living bigger than my to-do list (thanks to Tonya Dalton for that phrase) and placing myself on the back burner cause I was a working mom, etc.  Lots of people seem to understand that struggle.  The truth is, I just never understood how important taking rest time was. I missed the lesson that it was ok for me to sit and enjoy. 

I did not have much free time back in this stage of my life (the stage when I cultivated habits that led me down the fast track into burnout). I was in constant motion, which felt like constant work. I trained my brain to operate a daily routine where I raced around at a breakneck speed. 

In the movie Eat, Pray, Love (one of my favorites), there is a scene with Luca Spaghetti that always comes to mind whenever I think of this time in my life. It's a scene in which Luca talks about "Americans." He explains that we work too hard that we burn out. He laughs as he says we spend our weekends in our pajamas in front of the TV that we don't know pleasure. (You can check it out here.)

How are you feeling?

You know what? He's right. I didn't know pleasure. When I gave myself permission to sit down for a few moments, my brain would jump around, trying to force me back into action. The nagging feeling of guilt would creep in, and negative thoughts of what a failure I was or how I wasn't living up to my unrealistic expectations would swarm in between the never-ending list of things I should be doing at that moment instead of sitting. 

That was my reality. Crushing impossible standards that I had placed on myself, a hamster wheel of "gotta get it down" tasks, and me going to bed each night under the crushing weight of failure because, let's be honest- I didn't have enough hours in my day to put even a small dent in that to-do list. Needs? I didn't have time to concentrate on my own needs. I wasn't even sure who I was as a person anymore, I was too busy. 

Sound familiar? Now that we see we can relate to one another let's take some deep breaths and look at what we can do to actually knock off those feelings of guilt and embrace some restorative downtime. Cause you know you need it, right? Nod along. Yes, that's it. YOU need it. 

The more productive you want to be, the more rest you need. Wild right? It's true, though. Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith takes a deep dive into seven different types of rest in her book, Sacred Rest. This book was truly eye-opening to me when I was learning about how to feel more restored in life. I highly recommend you check it out, don't worry- you can listen to it on Audible, too!

Skip Comparison

First, let's stop negatively comparing ourselves to-insert the person(s), or groups of people you've been looking at that have helped you set the impossible standards you have currently. Don't get me wrong, we all should have standards. We all should have role models we look up to. Having things to aspire to is wonderful. Unfortunately, too often, we look at others and think they are doing it better, and we have to catch up to them. That soon turns to thoughts of, "You aren't good enough to...," "You aren't doing as well as...," and on and on those negative thoughts go until we work ourselves into an exhaustive emotional state. 

It's time to let go of your negative comparison. Instead, think about some of the things that you believe are really important in your life or the lifestyle of your family. How can prioritizing some rest today help you live that out better tomorrow? Compare your yesterday self to the you that shows up tomorrow prioritizing that thing. Now, you've taken your negative habit of comparison and turned it into something good, something that will help you grow. 

Something that is important to remember through this is that you've created a habit. Your habit of being unable to sit still without guilt has been cultivated over time. It will likewise take time to cultivate guilt-free leisure time. Does that word leisure make you cringe? I get it. We will deal with that in just a bit. 

For now, understand that this new habit will take some time to unlearn. Give yourself grace as you navigate here. We are going to start small and work our way up. Expect it to feel tough in the beginning. Stay focused on the future, not on the past. 

So, what can you do to have some down time today? 

Start small…

I needed to start building this habit slowly. There was totally no way that I could dive into mindfulness meditation at the onset. My body did not understand relaxation time.  Going from racing around every moment of my life to sitting still was awfully difficult.  Release that expectation right now. Try sitting still to do something gentle, something that will slow you but not necessarily have you sitting still with nothing but your wandering, overactive thoughts. 

I started with the simple act of sitting with my bible. I made myself read a few verses at a time and set a goal to work up from there. Devotionals can work great for this as well. (Check out my devotional, Rest and Renew here.)

If this isn't your scene, try something like running your hands through moon sand for a few minutes, or pull out some legos and build something. Start small. Set a goal for two minutes (or even one minute if that feels like too much), then work up. When your brain starts to wander toward your to-do list, try some breathing to slow things down. Inhale for a count of 6, hold for a count of 3, then exhale for a count of 6. 

If this type of down time still doesn't feel doable- try getting outside. Take a walk. It doesn't have to be a giant hike. You don't have to take an hour of time. Just go outside and force yourself to walk for a few minutes. Leave your cell phone behind. I can hear the groans here, too bad. I'll push back against this hard. Disconnect so that you can reconnect with...yourself! You're worth it! 

Another small thing you can do in addition to these other suggestions is to end your screen time each day at least one hour before bed. No television, no cell phones. Yes, I understand you may need to work up to that one hour but start somewhere. Set that goal. You will be amazed at what this small change does for you. 

As you begin to take baby steps into allowing yourself permission to have down time, and then implementing it into your lifestyle, it will become easier to see and feel the benefits of it. Before you know it, you'll work your way right up to what Luca Spaghetti explains, Dolce far niente. The sweetness of doing nothing. I dive more into this in my book, Heal the Hustle, which will be released in the fall. (Make sure you subscribe to stay up today on all these details!)

Being in the present moment is a big key to kicking that guilt to the curb. Many of us are focused forward. And this is a wonderful thing- we have strong work ethic, we enjoy hard work, we don't mind long hours (especially if you are like me and love what you do). The thing is, many of us are so focused that way that we forget to see the things right in front of us. I spend a large chunk of the first chapter in Heal the Hustle talking about guilt. Guilt keeps us immobile. Guilt keeps us stuck. 

Guilt-free time is freedom. 

It's a doorway to operating your lifestyle differently than it's been up to this point. The only way to drop the guilt regarding your downtime is to practice. Try it small, and let it grow. Two minutes will become five, and pretty soon, you'll be dining with friends for 4 hours (without phones), laughing, and enjoying the sweetness of doing nothing. Your physical health will improve. Rest has a funny way of doing that for us. Your mental health will improve. Interesting how that will happen when you slow down. You'll find you are more productive. Who knew that restoring ourselves could lead to increased productivity? I know I didn't for a very long time. 

The best way to let go of guilt during your downtime is simply to practice. Start today, and let me know how it's going!